This is our destiny
by Hagane
Summary: A very lame POV by the Sanzo-ikkou. Pointless.
1. Hakkai's thoughts

You know, I always thought it fairly amusing how the four of us always managed to end up with each other no matter how hard we tried to deny our fate. That's what it is, I suppose, our fate. We were destined to stay together.  
  
I believe the others feel the same way too- that this is our destiny, like it or not. Well, I suppose we all have to accept it anyway- we've tried, but never succeeded in changing out lives. Our paths were meant to cross and converge, and from then on, would fuse to form a larger, wider path.  
  
Sanzo has taken to this remarkably well. Knowing his foul temper and his no- nonsense attitude, one would have assumed, not wrongly, that he would try somehow, to break away from the chains binding us all together. He has tried, but without much enthusiasm. Though he never says it, I sense he rather enjoys the company of three demons whom, though he would never admit it, he regards as friends.  
  
Yes, friends. We are all friends, accomplices, comrades-in-arms. How can we not be friends when we have to fight, time and time again, side by side? How can we not grow fond of each other as time passes?  
  
He thinks himself weak for he has no power in which to defend. His gun, well used it may be, is not very reliable, especially in close combat or when we are attacked in large numbers. He relies on us to protect him and he hates it. He hates not being able to fend for himself. He hates not being able to protect others. He hates not being able to avenge his Master. He hates himself.  
  
But I think, with us, he doesn't worry so much about his handicaps. Sure, he gets mad when Goyjo or Goku say something foolish and squabble over the most trivial matters, but I really think he finds it entertaining, possibly even cheery. Sanzo is very aloof, and to most people, icy-cold. He cares not what people think of him and rarely expresses his thoughts unless he feels obliged to. His words, though stinging most of the time, carry wisdom and truth. He never fails to snap us all back to reality with his crude, truthful words. Goku and Goyjo often take offence at his insults, but I think they realize that it is Sanzo's form of affection. He never insults anyone more than he insults the three of us.  
  
He is lonely, anyone can see that. Before we came, he probably kept to himself all the time. Fortunately, with Goku and Goyjo, he's been forced to open up. I suppose he would rather muse and lament over things than go shopping for Goku's food or worrying about us, but, I think, Sanzo's happy. And Sanzo being happy makes the rest of us happy too. He is, in actual truth, the one that binds us all together. Goku adores him openly, Goyjo picks fights with him and provokes him, to elicit a reaction from him because that's his way of showing affection as well. As for myself, I often worry about him. I can read Sanzo very well and we get along peacefully- I am the only one he can talk to without necessarily giving him a headache. I am immensely grateful to him for saving me, time and time again, though he might not have realized it. He understands me well, and I, him.  
  
Goku is obviously pleased that we were meant to be stuck together for all eternity. He showers his affections on us freely, and never hesitates to express himself. He gets emotionally attached very easily- Goku trusts complete strangers with his life, something which maddens all of us. When we have to leave the friends we made during our journey, Goku, naturally, gets torn apart. He loves easily, so it is dangerous for us to stay anywhere for too long-he might grow too attached to the people there and refuse to leave.  
  
His innocent, gullible character is completely overwhelmed by his demonic evil, the moment he removes his power-control device. Then, he loses control of emotions and logic. His only thought is to destroy. When he becomes like this, we quiver because we know there is no way we can stop him, neither are we able to. Goku is our friend.  
  
But Sanzo can. He is the only one able to revert Goku to his normal self. The boy reserves a special place in his heart for Sanzo- it's that obvious. Everyone knows how fond he is of Sanzo. There is a special bond between them. Sanzo never says it, but he cares a lot for Goku. Probably more than he cares for Goyjo and myself, because he knows that, unlike us, Goku is extremely vulnerable and delicate, and needs to be cared for. Goyjo and myself, we can take care of ourselves, but Goku can't. He needs us. He needs Sanzo.  
  
We all try to return his love, in the best way possible. For Goyjo, it's by quarreling. For Sanzo, it's by calling him names and whacking him with his fan. For myself, well, I guess I don't hide my emotions. They say I mother him, and spoil him, but Goku deserves to be spoiled. I can't dote on Sanzo or Goyjo can I? For one thing, Sanzo would not let me off for doing that, and Goyjo. well.. Goyjo lavishes himself too much- I needn't spoil him.  
  
Goyjo was the first one I met. We've been best friends ever since. Despite his rowdy, tough, projected exterior, he's extremely delicate and breaks easily. All his loud, boastful words conceal his insecurity and his tragic past. But we know. We all have tragic pasts. We understand each other.  
  
He acts as if nothing matters to him except a pretty lady and a can of beer, but he is in fact, a very considerate and caring person. He saved me when we met, and he's stuck with me ever since. We don't talk about it, but I suppose there's an unspoken agreement between us- I need him and he needs me. But it's not just the two of us. All four of us, we need each other. That's why we're fated. It doesn't matter what has happened or what will happen-we will stay together. It is our destiny. 


	2. Sanzo's cryptic thoughts

Sanzo's POV  
  
Che.  
  
Why is everyone so damn stupid? Why do they waste their breath arguing over silly things? Why do they bother to smile? Worse, why do they care?  
  
Ha. They think they know. They think they understand, but they're stupid. They're stupid so they don't know anything.  
  
Am I the only one who's not stupid? Che.  
  
Life itself is stupid and miserable. And people who succumb to its morbidity and cruelty are just plain dumb. They blame others when they themselves are to blame. They blame life when it's them who decide their fate. Fools.  
  
I'm stuck with three stupid demons in a pathetic attempt to save the world. What do I care. This world can go to hell for all I care. It doesn't concern me..does it?  
  
I don't care about anything.except my master.Komryo Sanzo. I failed to save him-the most important person in my life and I hate myself for it. Why couldn't I have saved him that night? Why was I so weak? Why am I so weak? Why? Why?  
  
I've never seen the need to socialize. Let everyone have fun. I don't see why I should join in. I'm a loner, but so what. I'm happy this way. Making friends and being civil is a waste of time. Life's too short damn it, I shouldn't waste my time. I do what I like without regard to what people think or say. Who cares? It's their problem.  
  
Even when Master was alive.I was a loner. This sad, miserable, quiet kid whom no one liked. But what do they know? They think it's so easy being me- because I was the favorite. I'm an orphan who was has never set eyes on nor known my parents. The only family I have is my master. And even then, he left me. That hurts.  
  
People are so stupid. Why are there such idiots on earth? Oh, wait, everyone is stupid. I almost forgot. Those three stupid demons I'm stuck with-the stupid bakasaru whose brain is nothing more than an alarm for food,the stupid smart-ass half-youkai who puts on a façade by acting tough, and the stupid, smiling killer who hides everything behind his smile.  
  
Che. Stupid companions. I must be stupid too, to hang out with them.  
  
The stupid bakasaru. Che. He's stupider than the other two combined.  
  
Stupid redhead. His arguments with the saru annoy me, I know they do it on purpose to grind my nerves. I'm not amused.  
  
Hakkai. He's intelligent, but stupid all the same. He smiles all the time, to hide his feelings. Does he really think we won't notice? I'm not stupid, and the other two, though stupid, somehow have just the minimal amount of brains to know that he's faking his smiles. Stupid. His smiles never reach his eyes. But I get along with him the best. At least he doesn't annoy me like the other two.  
  
I'm stuck with them. I'm fated to live my miserable life with added misery with them. I tried to fight it, but.. Che. To hell with everyone and everything. I don't care what happens to anyone. I don't care.  
  
I hate everything. I hate everyone. But I know that's only an excuse. The truth is, I hate myself. 


	3. Rainy days

Che. It's raining again. Why won't the rain stop, damn it?  
  
I hate the rain. I hate the rain more than I hate most things. Simply because it reminds of stupid things.  
  
Koryu. That was what they used to call me. Koryu, the river drifter. Everyone used to mock me- I was often taunted and laughed at - because Master had found me drifting in the river, abandoned, cold, and shivering. Master told me that I hadn't made any noise, but he had heard me all the same.  
  
I was calling him, begging him to come forth and save me. I refused to believe that I had been in need of such desperate help, and I still don't believe it. Who am I to call for Komryo Sanzo? I was nothing more than an unwanted child. I had no right to live.  
  
But he, my Master, proved me wrong. He was special to me and I loved him. When others mocked me, he praised me. When others hurled insults, he gave me advice. He taught me life itself. He taught me everything. For that, I am grateful.  
  
He is gone now, simply because I had failed to save him that night. Yet, he is with me still, always. When it rains, it reminds me most of my days with my loving master. I feel empty, almost lost, and I curse myself for being so weak. I wish he were alive.  
  
But he is not. That much I know. No matter how painful it is, I will never see his smile again. And the rain that reminds me of him, I hate it, yet deep inside, I secretly hope that it will never stop pouring. For as long as it rains, the memories are imprinted freshly in my mind, brought forth from the depths of my memories, and whatever obstacle I am facing, is obscured. I see only myself and my master.  
  
And I am, in a twisted way, glad. 


	4. Goyjo's rattling

He's at it again. Stupid monk. Even Hakkai gets all moody on rainy days.  
  
/sigh/  
  
I know rainy days are gloomy and morbid, but do they have to act so... freaky? It's not like them at all! Okay, wait, maybe it IS more like them than anything else, but still. Look, no offense, but they can't just stare in a daze, caught up with their own thoughts when the saru and I are here! I, Sha Goyjo, refuse to be ignored!  
  
At least Hakkai's not that bad. He tries to smile, and though it looks painfully strained, hey, he DID try. He has enough sense to try to fake it, for the sake of the saru here, who's being awfully quiet, by the way. I wonder..  
  
Ah, I'm right. He is worried. About Sanzo. Stupid, corrupt monk.  
  
He's brooding all alone, acting as if the three of us don't exist. He keeps everything to himself and no one knows what goes on in his mind. Grrrr. it makes me mad. Why can't he just open his corrupt mouth and tell us what's wrong? He says that nothing's wrong, the stupid guy. Does he really think we'll buy that? He's dumber than I thought. It's so obvious something's bothering him. Liar.  
  
Oh, I'm one to talk. I'm not much better and I go around calling him a liar and a fake. Wait, did I just say fake?  
  
Okay, Sanzo's not a fake. He's a genuine monk. Really. He's a SANZO so he's got to be real. Funny, I always thought that monks were, you know, stiff old men with hearts of gold and the patience of a saint. This guy is like a terror.  
  
But I have to admit, when he smiles, everything seems all right again. Saru and Hakkai can vouch for that.  
  
The only problem is, he almost never smiles. Che.  
  
Talking about smiling, sometimes I wish I could just wipe off that smile off Hakkai's face. I mean, we all know he's hurting, so why does he keep up with it? It pains me, he is my best friend. Best friends are...well, don't ask me what best friends do. My whole life, my only friend was Dokugakuji. We're enemies now and we're trying to see who can kill the other first.  
  
I still am indebted to him for saving me.  
  
Aa, I miss him, but at least I've got Hakkai and the saru and...well, Sanzo.  
  
Hakkai's snapped out of his reverie. I think he realizes that Sanzo hates rainy days more than him. Okay, maybe not, but he does act like he hates it more. All of us are staring at Sanzo now- the saru, worriedly, Hakkai, with an almost sad smile on his face and I.. well, I'm just staring. Sanzo soon notices three pairs of eyes on him and snaps.  
  
Ah. Things should be back to normal.  
  
Er, no. he reverts back to his lamenting. Che.  
  
Hakkai smiles. I think he knows that leaving Sanzo alone to his thoughts is the best thing to do. He'll talk when he feels like it. Well, it might be so, but if that's the case, Sanzo will never talk. I swear, that guy sometimes just does things simply to grind my nerves. Okay, fine, I'm being really thick here but I swear Sanzo loves to annoy me. And the saru. He doesn't annoy Hakkai though. Maybe because they're one and the same.  
  
/sigh/  
  
Anyway, if we left Sanzo alone and waited for him to talk, it would be like waiting for pigs to fly and the saru to shut up. Nope, never will happen. Sanzo will not talk just to annoy me. Wait, have I gone through this before? Darn, the rain makes my brain all muddled. Anyway, and for real this time, Sanzo needs to be prompted to speak. He needs a reason. He's one of those who never does things without reason. Like how he just loves to dangle his cigarette in front of me when my own pack runs out, just to annoy me. Arghh! I'm going around in circles! Sanzo really loves to annoy me..  
  
...and that's why I have to take my cue and act as the ignition, by prodding him with words! Aha! I'm brilliant! All right, aside from that incredible display of logic, I suppose I knew it all this while. The reason why I pick fights with Sanzo. It's to make him happy, I suppose. The catch is that it doesn't work when it rains.  
  
Goku senses it too. He almost shuts up in what seems to be a rare occurrence. Sanzo's beyond our help when he gets in this mood. The poor boy frets and gets so worried about the corrupt monk who doesn't realize he's making us all worried.  
  
Hakkai falls back into his own musing- I can see that faraway, thoughtful look in his eyes. Is he thinking about the past? About Kana? He still loves her, one can easily tell. I'm glad I found him and helped him when I did.  
  
We don't speak much, but we share something special. You know, sometimes you don't need words to speak, if you get what I mean. Or if I get what I mean, whatever. I always talk to myself. It's genetic.  
  
Anyway, Hakkai and I don't talk to each other much, most of my breath is wasted arguing with the saru and most of his spent on trying to calm us down. Hakkai should run for some trashy beauty contest you know. He can easily pull of that smile-till-your-face-starts-to-crack thing and the if- there's-one-thing-I-could-wish-for-it-would-be-for-world-peace. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually won. My dear friend here is a beauty. Hmmm, Sanzo could enter and win easily as well, come to think of it. He only has to smile more than his usual split-second smile and say something less acid for his wish. But that's asking too much, I suppose.  
  
Yeah, so, Hakkai and I don't converse much, but we know each other well. That's our friendship. It's something special that not many have, so I'm glad of it.  
  
Aa..the saru's pouting and Sanzo's ignoring him. Sometimes I swear the kid is dense. I know he's a saru and all, but really. He never fails to amaze me. Can't he see that Sanzo is well, being more anti-social than usual?  
  
Hah! See? That's what happens when you mess with a brooding Sanzo-sama! The bakasaru is clutching his head and howling in pain. Serves him right!  
  
Sanzo turns to glare at me. Aa...  
  
This time I'm listening to Hakkai. Leave Sanzo alone to his thoughts. Very sound advice. 


End file.
